Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Peter Pockets

 As a mother of two boys, I find it incredibly interesting just how adaptable they truly are. Damon is the perfect Example; Their father (sperm donor) believes that you are not a man if you sit to pee- you are a bitch (beautiful concepts he it attempting to instill). Therefore he has taught him to urinate while standing, which in concept (like so may other things) works. It does not however, in practice, work. The result is a million tiny droplets of urine being evenly distributed on the floor, walls, and the toilet its self. So, so, so... In an effort to reduce the need for harsh chemicals to be evenly dispersed across the aforementioned surfaces, which is used in an attempt to remove the fine spray of stray winky tinkle, I thought "What IF?". The what if turned out to be having my little man SIT to relieve himself. Lo And Behold! IT WORKED. Now, out of respect while at home and using a bathroom that he shares with girls, he sits to pee. How Adaptable!

 Troy is also learning the ins and outs of the porcelain god, and how/when to utilize it properly. He is even wearing man panties all day long! He is absolutely amazed by them on an hourly basis, and feels the need to announce that he is wearing "unerwear" and can "pee ina potty!" and that he is supposed to "Point it down". I am so relieved that he is getting these concepts, and that I am not the one who is actually potty training him. His big brother is- and doing a fine job at that! (hey, he has to earn his keep somehow!).
 Every time Damon goes to the bathroom, Troy is not far behind. He is completely fascinated by the process of elimination, as is any young child who has recently discovered that when you flush the porcelain god the pee goes down the hole. As does an entire roll of toilet paper- IF you put the leading end of it in the swirling vortex the moment that it appears. The Porcelain God is magic. So is "unerwear". It has POCKETS!!!

 Its roughly 1300, Troy announces that he has to "go pee mom. now" and heads off in the direction of the pumpkin room to pay homage to the porcelain god. Suddenly I hear him squeal "Its a POCKET!". Knowing that he had not been wearing anything but his man panties, I am slightly befuddled by the exclamation, and proceed across the house to see what he is raving about. As I round the corner in the hall, I see Damon standing in the pumpkin colored bathroom with Troy, they are comparing "pockets" when Damon announces that "It is not a pocket. It is a winky hole. see!" he then walks to the potty and proceeds to demonstrate. Troy is dumbfounded by his newly acquired knowledge that he can now urinate without removing his clothing. I am now becoming increasingly worried by the realization that he will now be using almost every pair of man panties in the house in an effort to hone his skills... As if to confirm my fears, he walks to the porcelain god, lifts the seat, leans over and pees down his leg. He is now furious with damon- who has apparently lied about the use of the "pocket", and needing a new pair of man panties, he summons me.
 After deploying the winky dribble cleaning devices, I apply a new pair of man panties... Fast forward to later afternoon... Troy waddles into the kitchen in apparent discomfort, as I am prepping supper and exclaims "ITSA POCKET!". As I look down I realize why he is waddling, and as if on cue a matchbox car pops out of his "Pocket". He has a grand total of 13 cars, trucks, motorcycles, and a helicopter crammed into his man panties... As I begin removing them I explain that it is NOT a pocket, all the while trying desperately to maintain my composure. Enter Damon- "Troy, I told you it was a winky hole for peeing."

 I wonder what today will hold?

No comments:

Post a Comment